The Awesomely Stupid Misadventures in Gundam SEED
by Knight-Goddess
Summary: An unstable narrator...a hyper authoress...the MIGHTY Creusett...and the rest of the cast of Gundam SEED! R&R Updated! Finally!
1. The MIGHTY Cough

Okay, some jealous bastard went and repoted my story for "script" which if they could read it clearly isn't. Plus THAT IS one of the stupidest rules ever so the asshole who reported me, fuck you. This is the SECOND time this has hapened to me so I'm _really_ pissed off and now believe I'm being stalked.

WARNING: This contains absolutley no plot whatsoever and contains character bashing and OOCness so if you don't like it don't read it.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Gundam SEED, as if I would_ even want _to own it.

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_The following is rated retarded for can't believe something this stupid was ever written god that authoress isdumb please it make it stop-ness_.

A red curtain sits in front of the stage. The narrator ties to step out but just can't seem to....

"What the- Ugh! Why won't it- Stupid piece of- Gah! This is so- Dammit! Ugh! I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER DID THIS!!"

The stage manager quickly makes his escape.

Then the narrator falls through the curtains and on to the stage. "Dammit! Oh sorry. Let's get this started, eh? First we'll introduce the cast."

"Hi. My name is Kira. Not only do I have a girl's name, but I'm also the wimpy, crying hero of the story!"

"I'm his twin sister, Cagalli. I'm actually not his _sister._ People can't tell if I'm a lesbian, shit-faced, crazyass freak, a transsexual, or if I was pumped with 10 gallons worth of testosterone."

"I'm Athrun. I love Kira- Dammit! I mean Lacus. Wait- is that right?"

"Hello. My name is Flay, the over bashed whore/bitch of the show. And I'm not even the worst character!"

"Der," a retarded Lacus speaks.

"What are we going to do about her?" asked Kira.

Everyone turns to the authoress.

"We'll just do some incredibly bad dubbing. I'll do the voice."

The introduction continues with awesomely bad dubbing.

"I'm Lacus. I'm a stupid retard. I talk to walls thinking that they know tele-me-kin-besis. I love inhaling ship duel. I make crack-smoking, missing-half-their-brain mutated-by-harmful-substances killing brain cells and other vital parts baby lizards seem like Albert Einstein. I'm the biggest dumbass out there! D-S-P-I-F-Q! DUMB! Next to Cagalli, I'm one of the suckiest and worst characters in anime history. By the way what does history bean?"

The unbelievably bad dubbing ends.

"What an accurate portrayal of Lacus," someone mentioned.

"No, if it was truly accurate all she could say was 'PIE!' " replied another person.

"So true."

"Now!" the narrator exclaimed, "On with the introduction. Murrue, you're up next."

Murre tries to speak in a professional tone. "I am Captain Murrue Ramius of the Archangel- Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not even qualified to be a captain! I bought it thinking it was a fake ID. But! I take my job seriously. My motto is 'It's not a mission till you crash and burn, literally!' "

"I'm Mu. The authoress can't come up with anything about so we'll move on. Guess that means I'm the most normal person on the show."

"My name is Natarle. I'm a cold hard bitch with no character."

"That leaves me, the MIGHTY Cruesett! I'm hell-bent on world domination!"

"Eliminating humanity."

"Oh that's right. I'm hell-bent on wiping out all of mankind. Fear the most evil villain ever! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah-hahahahahaha-hahahaha-haha-ha!-ha!" Then the _mighty _Cruesett goes off into a coughing fit. Everybody stares out their at their _very honorable _villain.

"I just realized that Gundam SEED has the worst array of characters," said the narrator.

The authoress replied, "No shit."

"Now, let the story begin!"

Murrue, the untalented captain walks on to the bridge. She seems awfully cheerful.

"Hello, everybody! Today we are going to crash into an enemy ship!"

"And she can say that with a smile?" someone asked.

"We can't. You completely wrecked the ship when you led us into the barrage of missiles!!" Natarle responded.

"And your point is?"

"The ship is in ruins! It's completely destroyed! With all the damage, we're lucky enough to be floating around endlessly in space!"

"We already do enough of that, Natarle. Now, we are going to collide with the enemy."

"You are a complete idiot! You're not even qualified to be a captain!!"

"I'm more qualified than you!"

"How? I tried to save our sorry asses from your bad skills. You almost got us killed! You SUCK!"

"You suck! You wanted to attack the enemy!"

"What? That's what we're supposed to do!!"

"NO! You ARE supposed to listen to me, the captain. Now we ARE GOING to crash into an enemy ship!!" The now angry Murrue walks out in a huff.

"What an idiot!"

Back on the Versalius the MIGHTY Creusett stands in his room in front of a broken mirror practicing his evil laugh. His mask sits on a table.

"Muahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahah-hahahahahaha-haha! Muahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! Ha!" Creusett, yet again, goes into another coughing fit. After several minutes of choking own his own cough, the very mighty Creusett gets back up again.

"Ha! I am so evil. I am so evil! I am so evil I-"Another coughing fit befalls our beloved villain.

Then he falls over choking own his own cough, rolling on the floor slowly passing away into unconsciousness.

The narrator walks in. "Dude, are you al- AHH! HOLY SHIT! A MONSTER!!" He very quickly evacuates to the nearest exit.

The scream wakens Creusett, the ultimate villain. "What monster? I don't see a monster anywhere."

Suddenly the narrator dashes back in carrying a baseball bat. "DIE YOU SICK SON A BITCH!!"

"Huh?" Suddenly our great villain looks up. "Oh shit......"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! THE PAIN!"

Distant screams and criesare heardthroughout the ship.

"What was that?" asked a scared Nicol.

"Who cares?" replied Dearka.

"Shut up. You're interrupting me." Yzak says and continues reading his book "How to beat Kira and not get your ass kicked for lousy dumbasses".

Athrun, busy staring at his picture of Kira when they were little kids, ignores his comrades.

"I love you, Kira" He begins making out with the picture.

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Well that's it for chapter one! Review and tell me what you think! Please?

Flames will be used to send you back down to hell.


	2. Fall to Hell

Ramza Lioheart, to answer your question, Creusett goes into coughing fits to show that he is indeed a crappy villain. It's more like symbolism! By the way, I haven't seen much of Gundam SEED to know that he sneers. I stopped at episode 17 because it was boring and still had no plot except for the whole "protecting his friends" crap. I mean what the hell is this? Yu-gi-oh? And if he does sneer before that I didn't pay attention.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED. You really think I actually own _that?_

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"Captain, we're receiving a call from headquarters," Natarle said.

The captain, the incredibly incapable Murrue, was asleep on the job. Natarle kneeled down by her side and whispered gently in her ear, "....Hey, captain....WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!"

"What? Huh? Who? What? Lacus is dumb! Did we crash yet?!"

"Huh?"

"Did we crash YET?!?"

"No, you bitch! We got a call from the EA base!" Natarle yelled.

"Oh, okay. Put it through. You guys failed me," she said slowly turning to the crew.

"We FAILED you? You FAILED us!"

"How? I'm doing my job!"

"Oh, so our job is to wreck the ship?"

"Now, you got it!"

"Got what? The only thing I've got is the fact that you're a moron!"

"And you've got an ugly face!"

"It's better than knowing I'm a dumbass!"

"How dare you talk to me like that? I'm your superior!"

"You're only superior in suckiness!"

Back on Earth, the officers heard their little exchange. Sweatdrops poured down their faces.

"......Ummm..........," a young soldier interrupted.

"What the hell do you want you stupid bastard?!" Natarle yelled.

"The call?" the soldier said nervously.

"Captain Murrue?" the superior back on earth asked.

"Uh, yeah, here, I mean yes, sir!"

"You are to attack the ZAFT base on PLANT."

"Okay, we will be on it!"

The transmission cuts off.

"We are so screwed," said an officer on earth.

"You know it," replied the commander.

"Did you hear that everybody? We received orders to fly directly into the asteroid field!"

"What? That's not what he said at all!" exclaimed Natarle.

"Really? Then you must have hearing problems. He clearly said to-"

"Oh screw you!" Natarle gets up and leaves. On her way out she walks past Kuzzey.

"Is something wrong ma'am?"

"Get the fuck away from me you little brat!"

Kuzzey eyes begin to form tears. "That is so mean."

Back on the bridge, Murrue calls for a mission briefing.

"Our mission is to-"They become interrupted as they hear banging noises. Turns out Lacus, the resident idiot, is ramming her head into the wall.

"Heh heh this......FUN!"

"I would call her a retard but then that would be an insult to every idiotout there."

"Well anyway," Murrue continued, "We are to fly through an asteroid field. We leave in three- er I mean 1500 hours."

"Why do I get the feeling that's not our mission?" asked Mu.

"As long as I don't have to fight," said Kira

Then Lacus begins flickering on and off the light switch.

".........Me likey...."

The narrator slaps her. "Stop that bitch!"

Lacus replies, "Pie?"

"What?" asks the narrator.

"Pie!"

"What about pie?"

"Pie!"

"You're a complete idiot."

Everybody clears out of the bridge.

Back on the Versalius, the MIGHTY Creusett stands on the bridge.

"I have the PERFECT plan!! Mwuahahahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahah-hahah-HA!" Creusett goes into yet another coughing fit.

"What is it, your greatness?" asked Yzak.

Creusett gets up from off the floor. "Ahem. Excuse me. Right the plan."

"What's your 'oh-so mighty' plan to kill every last drop of humanity?" asked Ades.

"We will continue to chase down the Archangel to the ends of space!! It's the perfect plan!! I AM SO evil! Mwuahahahahahahaha!" The laughing stops due to another coughing fit.

The captain gives Le Creusett a strange look.

"I see my plan has made you speechless."

Ades continue to stare at Creusett in complete and utter awe.

"Impressive, isn't it?"

More silence from Ades.

"Stop looking at me like _that._"

Back on the Archangel, everybody is hard at work...... playing Truth or Dare.

The authoress begins, "Okay, Cagalli, Truth or Dare?"

"Brave men always pick dare!"

"I dare you to drink out of the toilet!"

Everybody gasps.

"Big deal. I do that anyway." Cagalli, not only drinks from it, but she gulps it all down being the freak that she... or he... is. Everybody looks in disgust except for Lacus, who does it routinely.

Then Cagalli takes her turn. "Lacus, Truth or dare ?"

Lacus replies. "Pie!"

"Truth or Dare?"

"Pie!"

"Okay, but truth or dare?"

"Oogie-boogie!"

The whole cast of SEED found this annoying as would any human would. Of course with Cagalli being an exception to every rule, he/she found it hot.

"So which is it? "

".......no no.....hotdog!"

"So you wanna see my hotdog, eh? Well here-" The narrator pushed the freak away and then proceeded to wash his hands after touching him ....or her.

"Hey, as long as we're shoving people out........" SLAM. The authoress quickly tosses out Lacus. She of course found it amusing.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"I'll go," said the narrator. "Sai, truth or dare?" But Sai was busy......

"Dammit Sai! Pay attention! Wait- Is that a Spiderman comic book?!?"

"No-no! It's uh....uh.....Playboy!"

"Like that makes it any better."

All of a sudden Lacus walks back in. "Hi!"

"I-it spoke........This is a miracle!" exclaimed the authoress.

"I don't feel like playing anymore," said Kira.

"Yeah, but what else do we do?"

"Let's sing a song!" Lacus replies.

"She actually said a whole sentence! This is no miracle, it's the end of the world!!"

"How is this possible?"

A doctor coincidently walks in just in time to explain everything. "Well, you see, Lacus was so incredibly dumb, so we had to do something about it. We preformed brain surgery on her and it WORKED!" he said angrily as he turned to one of the surgeons.

"Don't look at me. It was an accident."

"Are you telling me you planned on killing her?" asked the authoress.

The two men looked down at the floor ashamed. "Yes......"

"And you failed?! You morons! You deserve to beat with sticks until your as flat as the floor!!"

The authoress suddenly filled with rage attempts to beat the living shit out of the two men. Everybody in the area manages to stop her and the two men get away safely.

"I love you, You love me.......". Lacus begins singing and dancing. Just like a big klutz she trips over her dress and falls down.

"For a coordinator, she doesn't have good coordination," stated Sai. Then he burst out laughing. Everybody looks at him.

"Ha! I am so funny. Flay, you missed out."

Flay says nothing and instead rolls her eyes and clings on to Kira.

"Hey, you wanna go stick your head into a dryer? It's fun," said Lacus.

"How retarded are you?" asked the narrator.

"Ha! She's got three chromosomes her on her 22nd pair! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Man! I'm am on FIRE!!" He continues laughing like a psycho.

"Do you want to be? Because I could make that happen." the authoress said.

"That IS IT!" exclaimed the narrator. "I've had enough! You people are weird!" he says as he leaves the room.

"Hey! Don't leave me here with _them_!" The authoress follows the narrator.

Then Captain Ramius walks through the door.

"What is this? We don't have time for playing games. We have a mission." As if she should be talking.

While the Versalius "rear-ends" the Archangel, Kira and Mu fight...rocks.

"You sent them out to fight rocks?!?" Natarle asked.

"No, not rocks," said the narrator, "'space rocks'!".

"Exactly."

"Godammit," said Natarle as she banged her head on the control panel.

"Oh no! Retreat! Retreat! Full thrusters to right side!' Murrue commanded.

"What? Those are asteroids!"

"This is no time for an attitude, Natarle," responded the captain.

"We're losing them! Hurry up!" yelled the MIGHTY Creusett.

"Captain, we're picking something on radar. It's a ship located at 45 degrees to the west."

"Are Kira and Mu back yet?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay! Full speed to the left!"

"Are you serious? We'll crash straight into the damn asteroid!"

"No, we won't!"

The Versalius charges through the back of the Archangel making the two ships conjoined. Both ships fall straight down to Earth for a crash-landing. Incidently, this seemed better than Creusett's original plan. They all miraculously survive.

Everybody steps out of the ship and looks at the rubble.

"Look at this mess." said someone.

"Hey, you know what......"

"This IS ALL THE AUTHORESS' FAULT!!!"

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Heh, I wasn't going to kill them all....._yet._ That would ruin my fun.

Oh and as another note, updating will be slow. I have school, I'm writing another story(under a different penname), and I just got Star Ocean, which reminds me I have other Final Fantasys to play.

If you want to read my other story e-mail me.


	3. Stranded and Kidnaped

So sorry, for the super long update. School has been giving me so many goddamn projects and homework to do. If I get anymore I'm going to ram my head into a wall. This chapter is short and not that good so bear with me, kay?

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam SEED your beloved show would end up_ waaaayy _different.

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Earlier that day...

"Everyone! Spread Out! We'll find that bitch!" commanded Natarle.

"We have to stop it before it begins!" yelled Flay.

They all spread out into groups like the rabid chickens they are, in a frantic search for the authoress. They all fought over who would end up with Cagalli and finally decided to settle it the way they make every major decision: a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Captain Murrue stood back and issued out commands. "Whatever you do, DO NOT and I repeat, **_DO NOT_** check the room with the sign on the door that reads: The Almighty Authoress!!!!"

Then they scatter about checking every room they possibly can. After not finding her, they decided to try again and again and _again_. She was nowhere to be found.

"Argh! I can't seem to find her anywhere!" exclaimed Kira.

"Ugh! I can't seem to find Kira anywhere!" Athrun complained like a bitch.

"I can't find my 'Teen Beat' magazine anywhere either!" Nicol said as he broke into tears.

"Did anyone find the authoress?" asked Natarle angrily.

"No," was the response from everybody.

"There's no way she could possibly in her room!!"

"No, that's impossible! It's preposterous!!" exclaimed the dingy captain.

"Continue searching!!" Natarle ordered. They all ran back to ship to search for again. Mu, not paying attention, snuck into a room, with a sign on the door and stumbled across a girl.

"HOLY FREAKING HELL!!!" he exclaimed. Everyone shocked came running but Mu seemed out of it.

"That's her! Mu, how did you find her?"

"It wasn't me! I didn't do nothin'!!" he replied.

"What the hell? Are you okay?"

"Did you just call me stupid?"

"What?"

"Look! A unicorn!!"

"You aren't on drugs, are you?" inquired Kira.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

"Are you serious?"

Suddenly, Mu shifted back to normal. "Come on, why else do I always seem so happy and relaxed?"

"Good point."

Then Natarle came up between them. "Hurry up and get that stupid bitch, you pathetic bastards!"

The authoress had no idea what was going on because she was of course, sleeping.

Back in current time the authoress wakes up in a dimly lit room to realize that she was kidnaped and tied to a chair. "The hell....." She looks up to see the moronic cast of SEED grinning evilly.

"Ha! We stopped you once and for all!" Kira exclaimed.

"What are you talking about? What the hell is this for?!"

"To stop you from writing! You've tortured us long enough."

"Candy..... good!" exclaimed Lacus as she chewed on a piece of rope.

"Cut that out, you idiot!" Kira yelled slapping her.

"Well, anyway, this way you'll never be able to write!" said Flay.

"Our suffering stops here!"

"Yeah!" they all pitched and left the room with the authoress still in it.

"Those bastards...."

Just as they all left and walked outside they heard some idiotic and pyschopathic laughter followed by a fit of coughing. Everybody knew it was Rau Le Creusett.

"What is it this time, your _almighty lordship_?" asked a sarcastic narrator.

"Now that the threat of the authoress is gone, you will have to deal with me! I will kill every last ounce of human in the world due to my extreme, awesome evilness-"He was cut short as he fell into another one coughing fit. Everyone just stared at their _honorable and mighty _villain.

"Outta my way, jackass!" the authoress exclaimed suddenly free from her restraints. Then she proceeded with kicking him off the damn cliff and he rolled down putting a crack in his prized mask.

"No, not my mask!" he cried as he hit rock bottom."Now, I'll never be like my idol..." Then they all looked up to see a very angry and pissed off authoress.

"Oh shit......" said Kira quietly.

"Oh shit is right!!"

Then, Lacus, the idiot, shoves her face with dirt. "Pie.....!!"

"I thought you guys performed brain surgery on her,"the narrator said to the doctors.

"Yes, but since she is so incredibly, ridiculously, amazingly, stupifylingly, stupendislousy, awesomely, stupid it doesn't look like it did much," one of the doctors replied.

Another doctor continued, "Yes, but in actuality it was a success. We increased her IQ by 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!"

"Dear god, she was actually that stupid?!" Mu asked happily.

"Dear god, you didn't know that?!?!?!?!" asked the narrator.

"Dear god, Mary-Jane just got kidnaped by Doc Oc!!!" yelled Sai clutching his comic book. Everyone turned to look at him. "I mean er...."

"That IS IT!!! I've had ENOUGH of _you_ people!! _Screw you _guys!! Just FUCKING KILL them already!!! They deserve it!!" Then the enraged narrator storms off. On his way out he bumps into Cagalli and since he was pretty pissed he took a rock and hurled it at his... or her face.

The authoress was about to continue to speak when Lacus, the idiot, interrupted her. "Me likey pie. It _go-od_,"she said putting dirt down her throat.

"You people are so retarded!! That's it! You're outta here! You suck!!" She went off into a mad rage and sent the cast of SEED back to space with their ships still damaged. When they arrived they were all crowded into one small room.

They exited to the room into a corridor to see it appearing creepy. The whole ship looked like an old, deserted haunted house. The two bitches, Athrun and Nicol, cried their asses off and screamed for their mommies.

Everybody else observed their surroundings to see the new condition of the ship.

"Holy crap, we're in a haunted house!!"

"No, a haunted ship!!" Everybody gasped.

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I will try to update faster but if things don't get better don't expect for quite a while. And thanks to all the reviewers for actually thinking this was funny. You rule!!!


	4. The Haunted Ship

A/N Okay sorry for the extremely long update. I had a huge writer's block and right after I finshed one project they me gave me another, even bigger and harder one then the first. And right after that was finshed I had finals. So yeah, I haven't had much time to update, but now I have no school for two weeks. Finally!

By the way this chapter came out really stupid and sucky so don't be mad. I tried.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED.

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The cast of SEED made their way down the fakely decorated "haunted ship". Of course, with them all being morons, they couldn't tell the difference.

"Where's Mu?"

"Oh no! A zombie got him!!" Murrue exclaimed as she ran around screaming in frantic circles until she finally ran into a wall.

"Some captain," muttered Flay. Everybody else then continued down the corridor in one big group. At the back, Athrun and Nicol whimpered like bitches and clung on to each other for dear life. Then a guy wearing a pillow case with poorly cut eye holes passed by and since he couldn't see, he crashed into the wall, falling unconscious.

"It....it's a ghost!" They all panicked, running around in opposite directions. Flay stood still with a look of disbelief.

"What the hell are you doing? That ghost is clearly fake!" she shouted.

"But it is real! Didn't you see? It passed through the wall!!" Murrue exclaimed astonished.

"Right. And is that why he's laying on the floor passed out?" Flay replied pointing at the "ghost".

"Come on, Flay. Could a _fake _ghost have legs and have to walk around everywhere?" Sai asked chuckling.

"Well, Kira agrees with me, don't you?"

"Umm...," Kira responded.

"Kira?!"

"Uh...yes, ma'am!"

"See?" Flay said to the others. Of course they never listen to logic.

"Flay, just let it go. Ghosts _are real_," Tolle said.

"Yeah!" they all chimed in and walked away. Flay didn't move.

"Idiots!" she yelled out as she banged her head on the wall from their stupidity.

"Piiiieeeeeee? asked Lacus.

Pissed off, Flay grabbed Lacus by the head, and banged against the wall. "Shut up!!" She walked away, leaving the now bloody Lacus.

Lacus looked in a mirror that was randomly hanging on the wall."Ooh, lookie! Strawberry syrup is coming from my head!!" Lacus exclaimed as she saw some red substance oozing from where her brain was supposed to be, out though her head. She walked down the corridor, singing that annoying song she sings every single episode of SEED while bumping into every wall, door, or prop there was.

Everyone else, except for Natarle, huddled together in the center of the room, all afraid of the horrors on the ship. The "ghost" seemed to freak them all out. Creepy music played in the background. "Guys.....I'm _scared_,"Athrun said aloud.

"Shut up, you whiny bitch!" yelled Flay.

All the way back in the corner Nicol cried like a five year old girl, if he's not one already.

"Same goes for you, you little fag!"

Nicol then burst into more tears crying even harder, Athrun, his "friend"tried to comfort him. "See! Look at what you did. You made poor Nicol cry! Aww, it's okay," he said softly patting Nicol on the back. _Man, if only this was Kira he thought. _

Then Lacus came tripping in under a ladder that stood next to the door way and fell through a mirror breaking it. A black cat passed by as she laid on the ground. A few seconds later, a bookcase fell down over. She got back up and dusted herself off as if nothing happened and then looked up at everybody.

"How the hell is she not dead yet?!" Kira asked.

The narrator replied, "Easy. Because she's missing the part of her brain that allows her to die. In fact, I think she lacks a brain."

Then a light flashes on and off causing everyone to get even more scared. Evil laughter is heard throughout the ship. "MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! MWUAHA- Cough! Cough! Cough!" Then it goes out into a full-fledged coughing fit.

"Aw...crap. It's Le Creusett."

"Yes, I am- Wait, how did you know what is me?! Never mind that. Now watch as I destroy you all! Mwuahahahahaha!" Before he could stop, Natarle came up behind him.

"Move it, asswad!" she exclaimed as she pushed him out of the way. "And you! Turn off that damn radio!"

Natarle watched as Dearka who stood next to the radio, turned it off. The music playing the background stopped. As Natarle headed back to the speaker phone, she found Yzak already there.

"Kira! I challenge you to a duel! This time I will defeat you!"

"Dude, you're just going to get your ass kicked..._again_," Dearka said trying to act cool.

"Get the hell out of here, you damn little brats!!" Natarle yelled. "That means you too, you masked freak."

"Hey, I'm the villain and extremely evil. You can't tell me what to do. I'll kill y-"

"OUT!!!"

"Yes, ma'am," he whimpered as he left the bridge liked a whipped dog.

Back in the room everyone just sat there, not talking with the exception of Lacus who kept on singing songs annoying the hell out of everybody. After realizing she couldn't comprehend the words "Shut up" when they yelled it about a million times, they all gave up.

"Captain! GET YOUR ASS OVER TO THE BRIDGE NOW!!" Natarle announced over to the speaker. After waiting for fifteen minutes she called her again.

"Captain Murrue. Calling Captain Moron to the bridge. Did you hear me?! Report to the damn bridge!"

"What is it, Natarle?" Murrue asked as she walked onto the bridge.

"You are aware of the condition of the ship, aren't you?"

"Why yes. What kind of captain do you think I am? A _sucky _one? Come on."

"Then don't you think we should get it fixed? The ship is completely ruined."

"Absolutely not!"

"What?!"

"No, it should not be fixed. Now we should get back to work. Locate the nearest PLANT. Once you do, get ready for a collision course!"

"You're going to purposely crash our already damaged ship?"

"Of course!"

"Idiot!"

As soon as they locate PLANT, they fly into it and safely land on the ground. Since this was sucessful, Murrue got pissed.

"What? I told you to crash not land! What are you? Idiots?"

"Well maybe if we fix the ship and pull the Versalius out of our "ass" when can crash some more!!! So you go get lost until I call you!!!!" Natarle yelled swallowing her pride.

Everyone cleared out the ship after Natarle yelled verbal abuse at them with the help of Flay. They all stood outside as the ship got fixed for the very first time since Murrue had it.

"Okay, your ship is done. Oh and we cleaned up the inside for you. You had alot of junk all over the place," said a mechanic.

The cast of SEED surveyed their ships to see all the hanted house stuff gone. "The hell? How did this..."

"You idiots. That was all some stupid prank the authoress did to torture you," informed the narrator.

"Well for a haunted house it wasn't that scary," Cagalli said in a macho tone.

The authoress just walked out of the ship in time to hear everything. "That's because the only scary thing is you, you freaky bitch!! What the hell are you?! A lesbian or a dude?!!!"

"I'm both."

"Both?!?!?!?!?!"

"Because the creators did such a crappy ass job with me, people can't tell what I'm supposed to be. So I'm everything."

"That doesn't make any sense," stated the authoress.

"Does anything in this show make sense?"

"Good point."

When it was finished they took off and continued their mission of floating around endlessly in space... for no appearent reason.

"Okay now let's go find an asteroid to crash into!" Murrue exclaimed.

"Goddammit."

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I will try to update faster. Maybe since I'm out of school for now I actually can!


	5. Life on the Archangel

I'm back! No, I didn't die. And sorry for the really long update. I've been busy with school and I got a little lazy. Well anyway, I think this chapter is better than the last one(in my opinion) so hopefully that might make up for it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED, otherwise Lacus would be dead.

"Soon, chasing down the Archangel will finally pay off as it destroys humanity! I AM so evil!" Then the MIGHTY Creusett pops in a cough drop to begin his evil laugh. "Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha...ha-" He stops. "Oh crap..."

"What?"

"I'm choking!" Le Creusett falls over choking on the cough drop apparently not breathing anymore.

"Shit," said one of the crew.

Back on the Archangel, things were going as they usually do. Natarle yelled, Kira cried, Murrue didn't do her job, Mu went on acid, Cagalli was a freak, Flay seduced Kira, Sai cried, no one cares about the others, Lacus annoyed everyone with her stupidity, and the whole ship floated across the ends of space.

Natarle and Murrue sat on their usual seats on the bridge.

"Captain?" Natarle called.

"What!"

"Why the hell is the Versalius "humping" our rear!"

"Oh, okay. Try to lose them."

"How? You're the captain! Give the damn orders!"

"Must you always yell?"

"YES! That's how I talk! I have a condition called 'The creators are stupid-itis'!"

"Well, let's see. Oh, I know! We slow down."

"Slow down? How the hell will that help! It'll just crash into us!"

"So, that won't do any good."

"No shit! Think of something else!"

"I am! You're interrupting me." Fifteen whole minutes passed by and Murrue still stood there thinking of way to outrun the Versalius. If only if she could "speed up". (A/N sorry stupid pun)

"Captain?"

"Yes, Natarle?"

"You suck."

Back in Kira's room, Lacus counted how many times she could bang on the desk before knocking herself out. Kira sat on his bed watching, amazed at the sight. "Why do people always pair me up with the idiot! She can't even think!" Lacus paid no attention to him.

BANG

"1054!" Lacus called out as she slammed her head on the desk.

BANG

"48!"

BANG

"-595!"

"I would cry at your stupidity but I've already used up all the tears crying after the last battle when I killed a 35-year-old former rapist/convict that tried to kill me."

Lacus didn't hear him.

BANG

"Jell-O!"

"Uh, Lacus, Jell-O isn't a number..."

BANG

"Peanut butter and four!"

"That's it," Kira said getting up. "I can't take anymore of your stupidity! It's driving me crazy!" He stormed out of the room, leaving the moron by herself. One of her annoying Haros followed him.

"Haro! Haro! Haro! Haro! Haro! Haro! Haro! Har-"

"Shut up you annoying fag!" Kira yelled at it.

It replied. "Hey! I'm not gay! If anything call your little bird friend gay!"

"Tori is NOT gay!" Kira snapped back.

"Oh my god, Kira, you're shirt is totally fabulous! You work it girlfriend!" Tori exclaimed.

"Damn, you're right. Of course it's gay, Athrun made it."

Kira the continued walking down the corridor with annoying piece of crap right behind his trail, exclaiming "Haro!" every damn second.

"Why the hell are you following me again!"

"To get away from your freaky sister before she rapes me again!"

"Wait...I have a ...sister?"

Then out of nowhere, Cagalli pounced on Kira like a lion, knocking him to the floor and bit into his arm. "Get the hell off of me!" he shrieked. He looked closely at his arm which bleed. "Holy crap, now I have hermaphrodite rabies!"

"Dude, you're bleeding. Come here and let your 'bro take care of it.," Cagalli said.

Kira looked at his arm. "Ah! I'm bleeding! Flay! Fllaaaayyy!"

"Ugh. Always complaining like a damn baby," Flay mumbled to herself. Then she put on her "cute" face and went over to Kira. "What is it, honey?" she asked him cheerfully.

On the Versalius, doctors successfully removed the cough drop from the MIGHTY Creusett's throat. Now he stood proudly on the bridge and looked outside. "Soon my plan will take action and humanity will be destroyed!"

"How? You're just stalking the Archangel," stated the narrator.

"That is my plan, you fool! You obviously don't know anything about villainy, do you? I suggest keeping your mouth shut before you speak out against concepts you don't understand. You should go read 'Evil 101'. It might help a moron like you comprehend complex plans such as mine."

"What the hell did you just say!" the narrator asked angrily grabbing Le Creusett by the neck. SAY something like that again and I'll BREAK your stupid mask!"

"You don't scare me. I'm the villain, so nyah," he replied sticking out his tongue.

"That's it! I'm gonna beat your sorryass till you're as flat as your character design! You ARE the **worst** shameless rip-off of Char…EVER!"

"Hey! I am my own character," Creusett tried to fight back. The whole ship became silent for a few moments before bursting out into fits of uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.

"His own character! Man, that's a good one," someone exclaimed.

"I…hate you all," Creusett whimpered as he ran to his room crying like the girl he is.

"Hey, wait up! I'm not freakin' done with you, you bastard!" the narrator chased off after Creusett, a baseball bat in hand.

"I just realized something. The whole cast of Gundam SEED is a bunch of girls."

"Except for that Cagalli bitch."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about _that_."

Back on the Archangel, Kira narrowly escaped Cagalli, who chased after him trying to give him a "wedjie" because to her "that's what brothers do". Without knowing, he snuck into the authoress' room. "What the hell are you doing here?" she asked him.

"Escaping from my sister."

"Don't you mean brother?"

"To tell you the truth I have no idea what the hell that is. I somehow get the suspicion that it was an ape that got mutated and its balls got chopped off."

"I think it got pumped with 10 gallons worth of testosterone. No one should be that manly."

"Oh yeah. Now that I'm here, I've been meaning to ask you something. Where the hell is this fic going?"

"What do you mean?"

"Where is it going plot-wise?"

"Well seeing as Murrue CAN'T do shit and Le Crapshit is a one-dimensional douchebag that WON'T do shit, the plot is as almost as worst as SEED itself."

"My god! That bad?"

"Apparently so."

Kira fell to the ground on his knees and let out a girly, high-pitched scream. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

If anyone has any ideas, give them to me. I'm always open to them and could use some. I'm probably not gonna use them in the next chapter but I'll use them later on.That's all for now, so see ya next chapter and don't forget to review.


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